First Page Critique
Welcome all to our first first page critique! First off a round of applause for our first brave volunteer :). Now before we get going here, I want to lay down a few ground rules:
1) Every comment will be moderated. This means please do NOT resubmit it unless it has been at least 6 hours. (I have an evil day job which means I can ONLY check this at lunch time and after work- we have a back up screener but her time is limited too).
2) Remember to use good judgment on these. This does not mean, "OMG! I love it!" any more than it means, "This sucks". Make intelligent, HELPFUL comments as to what you feel works and what you feel needs work. Comments judged to be unkind will not be posted. (again- you don't need to gush- just don't be mean!)
The idea with these is to help all of us see what works and what doesn't. This will hopefully be a regular item on our blog but only with YOUR help!
Now, on to our page!
TYPE: Hot COP Short Story
Riding along in a cruiser while an officer makes the rounds can be an interesting or a boring adventure. Or sometimes it is beyond exciting. It's a crapshoot.
Mia Brand had managed to find herself on an interesting one. At least, so far.
This go-round, she had been given to a male cop. Now there was an understatement.
The guy wore a short-sleeve uniform. His biceps were straining the seams. His chest was higher than hers. The shirt buttons were in danger.
He had a trim waist and lean hips. How did he keep his equipment belt from falling down? He had that routine, almost unconscious cop thing that they all did. He was forever hauling it up. Since it was heavy, anywhere from 22 to 34 pounds, she could understand the tendency of the belt to want to obey the laws of gravity and drift down his thighs. She wanted to drift down those thighs.
She had decided early in the ride-along that this was a prime specimen. It didn't hurt that he had dark blue eyes. A chiseled jaw. A touch of 5 O'clock shadow. A blinding smile and a dimple. Dark closely trimmed hair that showed a tendency to curl. It looked soft. Not to ignore a deep voice that came up out of him and made her insides twitch.
Oh yes.
She'd been stuck in a car with a virtual Adonis, although Adonis was a blond wasn't he?
She who had given up dating men some time back, having decided a vibrator was more useful. After all, it was always ready, didn't make stupid small talk, and had an off switch. Men didn't come with an off switch. Not that she knew of.
Oh this was Karma. Or life getting even. Giving up men? Ha! Try this one!
